4. She had auburn hair (from a bottle by the time I remember her) and grey-blue eyes. She had a dimple when she smiled.
5. Mom used to tell me that their ‘coloured’ maid Gussie spoiled her rotten, bringing her chocolate bars and Cokes for her breakfast in bed. Mom thought of Gussie as part of the family and was distraught when she wouldn't go with them to New Orleans, having 'taken up' with a man she didn't want to leave. Mom occasionally made 'Gussie' stew for us, which was basically beef and vegetable soup with spaghetti.
6. Mom's parents divorced before she was 18. She told me once about going on a ‘double date’ with her mom about that age, when Grandmother would have been about 36.
7. In 1942, when she was 24, her step-father moved their family to
9. She wrote him a letter nearly every day for the year he was in
11. After Daddy returned from
13. Mom’s mother’s family was Baptist; her Dad’s were Irish Catholic. I never knew her to attend either church. I remember her telling me she felt religion was a private matter and she wasn’t fond of the evangelical approach that Grandmother seemed to like. She and Daddy sent me to a wide variety of churches with all the kids on the block, wanting me to make up my own mind on the subject.
14. She loved children. Her letters to Daddy talk about having tea parties with a little girl who lived nearby. She and Daddy had been married for 12 years when I came along. I grew up believing I was the best thing that ever happened to her, unless I was maybe second after Daddy. (The baby in the picture isn't me, she's too young there. It's possibly her cousin's son, Jimmy).
15. She liked to dance. She did exhibition ballroom dancing in her youth, partnered by her brother, Bernard. When I was little she sometimes would put on the record Little Grass Shack and a hula outfit and dance for me.
16. I think Mom’s main characteristic was that she loved people and was good at showing it. Later in her life when I would take her to the shopping mall, she would tire and I would leave her in a sitting area and go run errands. Invariably when I returned she was having a great conversation with any and all of the others seated there and would introduce me to them as though they were her oldest friends.
17. She was also very patient and extremely creative. She taught me my numbers by drawing them as cartoon characters and often entertained me by sketching fashion figures and designing elegant clothes on them. She taught me to crochet, to knit and to embroider; and as much as I would let her about dressmaking and cooking, which unfortunately wasn’t much. When she made a salad she often made flowers with the cherry tomatoes and bell pepper strips. She made my Halloween costumes and my school clothes when I was a child (from my Aunts' cast off circle skirts) and later formal dresses and wedding dresses.
There was a bust on top of one of the bookcases in the living room that she had sculpted in clay. She once made a bouquet of roses with the petals shaped from tin can lids. She had a green thumb, keeping the border of the back yard flowering. She planned the timing, colours and height of the flowers in a notebook that I still have. My baby book has poems that she wrote about learning she was pregnant after 12 years’ marriage, about how she chose my name and about my having chickenpox, among others.
18. Mom had beautiful handwriting; people often remarked on it, very often when she wrote checks at the grocery store.
20. If it was artistic or creative, Mom could do it. What she didn’t do was a lot of housework. We always had the extended family over for Christmas and she managed to make the place more or less presentable for those occasions. I noticed that her best friends had a similar approach to housework. I grew up being fascinated by the order and attractiveness of my friends’ houses, and whilst my own housekeeping is a little better than Mom’s it has taken me years of effort to acquire better habits.
22. Mom was good with money. She could squeeze a dollar ‘til it screamed. My Dad was always the primary breadwinner in the family, but Mom was the practical one with common sense and the range of skills needed to keep the household going. She made whatever sacrifices were necessary to ensure that Daddy and I had what we needed first. She was always the last to get new glasses or have new clothes.
23. Mom seemed to replace her love of clothes with wanting other things. I remember her carefully saving up a little at a time to collect her silver service for coffee and tea a piece at a time. She did the same to buy paving blocks to gradually build the patio in the back yard.
25. One of the subtle, unspoken, messages I got from Mom was that it was important to have a man, but that I should always be able to support myself and not be dependent. I’ve always taken that to heart.
26. She loved dogs and cats, but mostly cats. My Dad liked dogs, but hated cats. Mom would adopt a stray cat now and then and try to hide it in the garage, but any time my Dad found it he would generally take it out in the country and leave it, which of course would upset Mom. We always had a dog.
27. She used swear words very selectively. She said ‘damn’ and ‘hell’ but couldn’t go beyond “B-I-itchy witch”. That was it. When I tried saying ‘crap’ in front of her I got hauled to the bathroom and she scrubbed my tongue with a toothbrush coated with soap. Full marks for trying to keep my language clean.
29. She drank coffee with milk and sugar in the mornings, CocaCola all afternoon and often had beer in the evening.
32. Like my Dad, Mom read a lot of books. Amongst her favourite authors were A.J. Cronin, Agnes Keith, Pearl S. Buck and, later, Dick Francis. I think she and Daddy supported several book clubs over the years.
33. Mom had beautiful hands, with long slender fingers and long nails, which she sometimes painted red. There used to be a photograph that I loved of her hands holding a black and white puppy – probably Cookie – that had one of her fingers in its mouth. Sadly, I don’t seem to have that to share.
35. Mom’s mother-in-law never quite took to her, possibly because of the clandestine nature of their marriage. For some reason, they chose not to tell Daddy's parents that they had married until about 6 months after the fact. Also, Mom said Grandma liked Daddy’s first wife better; this person was always referred to as ‘Poor Ad’.
36. Fortunately, Mom’s father-in-law liked her a lot and she was very fond of him. Grandma & Grandpa came over most Sundays for a meal. This was a BBQ for most of the summer.
38. She was good at making friends with my friends and making them feel welcome at our house. They would sometimes come by to see her even when they knew I wasn’t there. This happened a number of times with old boyfriends; this annoyed me at times when I came home and found them hanging around. One time when she was over taking care of Grandma, I came home to find some of the tougher teenage boys from that neighbourhood sitting there playing penny-ante poker with Mom. I was never sure if that was a good idea or not, but she never had any trouble, so I guess it was alright.
39. Mom and Dad separated when I was 17 after he was involved with another woman. Though that relationship was short lived, Mom and Dad never re-united. However, they never divorced either, and remained supportive of each other until Daddy’s death, 15 years later.
40. The last 10 years of Mom’s life she had her mother living with her. Though they had much in common, they were opposite in temperament: Grandmother always enjoyed a good fight, whereas Mom really hated arguing. I’m like her in that respect as well.
1 comment:
What great memories you have of your parents. It is good that you have gotten them written down. My Dad has been writing his memoirs and I've been typing them up for him. We're up to about 75 pages. I've learned so much about him via this project.
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