tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1193495388714584422.post8308103182696434017..comments2023-03-31T10:03:38.525+01:00Comments on Shelley's House: Kind and Necessary TruthsShelleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10239488936038510294noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1193495388714584422.post-68229839413913328942010-07-31T01:48:14.187+01:002010-07-31T01:48:14.187+01:00What a great response, thank you... I'm like y...What a great response, thank you... I'm like you, often I don't care enough to actually debate. I'll try those two phrases, they might just prove to be the words I've been looking for. <br /><br />I never encountered the stuck up snob thing until I moved to Australia, specifically Queensland. I think that like most places, people tend to judge a stranger on outward appearance. <br /><br />Mother always taught me to dress correctly for the occasion, to play to my strengths, and to be well-groomed. She taught me this shows a basic level of respect for the people around me and for myself. When I first moved here I always asked "How should I dress?" when invited to a social occasion, which was always met with raised eyebrows and skepticism. For a while, I caught myself dressing down and letting myself go. This pained me, so I quit. I don't like it that I am unfavorably judged for being well-groomed and properly dressed, like it is some sort of personality flaw. <br /><br />(By well-dressed I mean no visible underwear, nice cuts and fabrics, and an attempt made at suitability for the occasion. I was NOT brought up to wear jeans to the theatre.)<br /><br />I also ran up against several instances where I realized my accent and self-confidence put people off. When I did open my mouth, it was to speak firmly in American tones, rather than self-deprecating Aussie question-sentences. I'm not changing the way I speak or carry myself, so I learned to smile constantly. That does help though I feel like an idiot.<br /><br />It's kind of ok, though... The women I work with (mostly older women, sewists and quilters) accept me and understand. They know I work hard and do a good job. Likewise, I respect them. I don't feel like I have that kind of respect in my life outside of my job, my husband and in-laws mostly think I'm kind of ridiculous. Can't win them all, right?Stephhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08235341738044433500noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1193495388714584422.post-17750836321082351652010-07-26T14:00:06.769+01:002010-07-26T14:00:06.769+01:00Hi Steph - It's often tricky dealing with othe...Hi Steph - It's often tricky dealing with other people, isn't it!? I'm not very happy confronting people either, though I find it seems to get easier as I get older. It has to be something that matters to me, though. I don't enjoy debate for it's own sake.<br /><br />I've found "Do you think so?" is useful when someone says something I disagree with, or might disagree with I cared enough to challenge it (which I often don't). It lets them continue to talk about something they want to and I can generally manage to be non-commital if I don't really want to engage in a major discussion. <br /><br />Another phrase is 'You may be right'. I'm often thinking "But it's not very damned likely" but I've avoided an argument and been able to move on. I save this one for people I care most about, but don't necessarily agree with.<br /><br />If people think you are stuck up or are surprised when you do nice things, I'm assuming they don't know you very well (and at least it will be a pleasant surprise). If I have nothing much to add to a conversation, sometimes asking a pertinent question demonstrates I'm interested (or care enough to act so) and perhaps not too stupid.<br /><br />If people assume you are a snob because you are quiet, is it because you are with people you don't care enough about to make an effort or are they just insecure? <br /><br />Since I'm not in the working world anymore, my life is much simpler than it used to be!Shelleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10239488936038510294noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1193495388714584422.post-5924751763206013692010-07-26T12:57:00.716+01:002010-07-26T12:57:00.716+01:00I think you're very, very correct and I like t...I think you're very, very correct and I like the way you write about it. The trouble comes when people assume you are A) Haughty or B) Stupid. I was brought up to speak when spoken to (by elders) and with the saying "It is better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and leave no one in doubt." <br /><br />Even better "Actions speak louder than words." I fully believe that one, but it seems to me the rest of the world doesn't. <br /><br />I have found in my adult life that I'm not often given latitude to just shut my mouth. Sometimes I feel forced into a conversational corner where the person just wants me to validate them, even if I'm not interested or I don't think they're right. It's usually unpleasant to be in that place and I have yet to find a satisfactory way out of it. <br /><br />Or worse, the people who from the first impression assume I'm a snob for keeping quiet. They're *shocked* when I do nice things. Sigh.Stephhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08235341738044433500noreply@blogger.com